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I haven't had much of any chance to do anything with Dusty since her creation, both for reasons beyond my control and coming to terms with my real desire to be on GarouMUSH. Therefore, she is gone.

I started playing on GM once upon a time in 1997, having come across it through friends, and found it to be my favorite playground. And there was the standard meeting of Awesome People, but aside from eventually graduating and getting immersed in college, and graduating again (a gentle flux of activeness and hiatus the result), I realized I was discouraged by the strange drama that tends to ensue online (offline "rl" drama sucks, too, but online it is avoidable).

Either way, not my cup of tea, nor do I really understand people's interest in really making something out of nothing, or not much at all. This is statement at large and not due directly to any drama that may have included me (which there wasn't any as far as I know as I detest it, but hell, it's a matter of opinion and I'm sure somewhere I was considered involved in some ridiculous conflict of minds). It does apply to when I decided to stop RPing all together after I graduated college. Plus there were other things in life more pressing.

It's partly nostalgia that drew me back to GM after being away for so long, but mostly the desire to tell good stories again. I figured if I apped my way back in I would focus solely on RP, as I had and have no desire to be in the lounge. Not due to personal feelings regarding anyone, as those still on there I remember fondly or they are complete strangers to me, but because I just crave the story nowadays.

But it doesn't work that way: you need to interact with people to get the story going. Perhaps the situation would be entirely different if I had come back on board as a cub, since there is little to discuss in the way of getting started. I simply had difficulty jump-starting Dusty, as much as I have a good grasp on who she is.

And then I realized I am mostly intimidated by the majority of people being in the lounge and having to ask about for RP, rather than wandering about and running into people or being asked myself to play (which was what I was used to, and prefer; it has nothing to do with whether or not the game should be like that). I just don't realistically see myself getting RP without having to constantly page people or socialize in the lounge, and I am not great at that at all. Again, it isn't a personal dislike of anyone, I just have a much stronger desire for the shared story, which seems somewhat selfish in hindsight to desire that and not get to know or joke with the people I'm playing with.

That said, that is that. It is still a wonderful place full of passionate people, and I apply myself elsewhere now instead of feeling tortured over conflict of interest.

Thanks for the wonderful years (off-and-on), GarouMUSH.

Current Mood: mellowcholy
After briefly flitting through town earlier in the year, Dusty decides to "get serious" about making herself at home in St. Claire. Which includes joining the sept.

Well that was relatively painless...Collapse )